Tips for Talking

Five tips for supporting someone:

1. Start a conversation  

If you’re concerned about someone, the first thing to do is to check in. It can be as simple as a text: just make sure they know you really want to know how they’re doing.   

2. Listen and reflect 

Give the person space to explain what they’re going through. Try not to make any assumptions about their experience based on other things you’ve seen and read. Asking open questions can be helpful: these are questions that invite people to expand, rather than respond with just ‘yes’ or no.  

Examples of open questions include: 

“How have you been feeling?”  

“What’s that like for you?”  

3. Be patient  

It might take a while for the person to feel comfortable talking about what they’re going through, or there might be periods where they’re less communicative. That’s understandable: sometimes, if you’re experiencing a mental health problem, it’s harder to be sociable.  

It might feel frustrating if you’re putting in effort, but try and be patient. They probably appreciate you being in touch even if they’re not responding. 

4. Be yourself 

Even if they’re having a hard time, they’re still the same person you know and love. Don’t treat them differently – keep including them in social activities and offer to do the things you’d normally do with them.  

5. Ask how you can help 

Give them space to say what they need from you. This might be a regular check-in, a particular activity, or help with practical things. Mental health problems can be draining, so they might be finding it hard to keep up with everyday tasks. If it seems appropriate, anything you can help with.  

Tips for Active Listening:

Active listening is a skill that we can build over time. To improve our listening skills, we could work on specific things. For example, we could:

• Practice sitting in silence (or at least in quiet!). It can feel really uncomfortable at first, but we should feel easier the more we do it

• Be curious. Practice asking questions.

• Tune in. In busy, noisy places, try and tune in to specific sounds. For example, if we’re in a coffee shop, we could tune in to the babbling of a baby at a nearby table or the clink of coins as people pay for their drinks.

• Find patterns in mundane sounds like the washing machine or dishwasher. Tune into them, do they have a particular rhythm? Is it consistent or does it change? Can we identify which part of the cycle they’re in by the sound they make?

• Be patient. Give others time to speak. Try to avoid ‘jumping in’.

• Be open to other people’s experiences and opinions. We might not agree with everything they say, but through actively listening, we can work to understand their position and have meaningful discussions around our differing opinions.

• Think about our responses. We don’t need to respond to things immediately. Practice taking time to consider what’s been said before formulating a reply.

• Use repetition. By repeating what we’ve heard and understood, we can check our understanding and show that we have listened to what’s been said.